Those Red Flags Can Help You Avoid Unhealthy Relationships, So Listen.

Another part of not listening when people tell you who they are is ignoring red flags.  I am sure most of us can relate to missing red flags and kicking ourselves for it later. Typically, when we look back we can recognize that we had an uneasy feeling, our “gut” was nagging us, or we picked up on out-of-character behaviors when someone was being less than honest.  Maybe you didn’t want to be wrong or wanted to keep the peace so you pushed those feelings or thoughts (intuition) aside.  We also ignore red flags because we doubt our intuition.  We wrongly think our intuition is caused by overthinking or jaded perceptions due to someone doing us wrong in the past.  Sometimes we ignore red flags because we want to do what we are doing. Maybe that new male friend without a job or car gave you butterflies, so instead of asking why he doesn’t have a job or car at age 32, you agree to go out with him.  You find out later he has two children he doesn’t support and quit his job so he wouldn’t have to pay child support.  Yes, this happens.  So, avoid it by being more inquisitive and setting higher standards for yourself.

On a more extreme note, listening to how your body responds can help you avoid dangerous situations that can alter your life, or the lives of others.  When my daughter was younger she wanted to go over to her dad’s house.  I was at work and could not take her until later in the day.  Her uncle volunteered to pick her up and take her, but an uneasy feeling came over me and I had a gnawing feeling in my stomach.  Her uncle was a typical guy with no glaring problems.  He did not give off child predator “vibes.”  So, why did my body react like it did?  I will never truly know because I did not let her go with him.  Several years later that man sexually assaulted my daughter’s little sister. We were all in disbelief, but my mind went back to that day and that response.

So, now that we know people tell us who they are (good and not so good) we need to practice listening to the subtle cues and the inconsistencies.  We need to learn to recognize our body’s responses to dangerous situations and to people who are trying to deceive us.  We do this first by not ignoring that feeling that something just isn’t right.  If you are feeling like that, there is a reason.  Next, avoid trying to justify that person’s behaviors.  No, that person you are having doubts about does have 30 seconds to send you a quick text in a 24-hour time period.  They are not too busy.  Your “gut” is a powerful built-in tool, so listen to it.

Create a set of standards that you expect out of others, especially if you have a pattern of ignoring or justifying red flags.  We get hurt more than we need to because we get stuck on an idea that a person is a certain way based on inaccurate perceptions instead of reality.