Has anyone here lost a friend because they have different views than you? If so, does that mean you (or they) only keep friends who share similar views? How do you know who has the right or wrong viewpoint? Are you who pushed the friendship away, or did they? Was it a strong friendship, one with a coworker, or more of an acquaintance-type relationship? I ask because the strength of a friendship may determine whether or not it ends over opposing viewpoints. If the friendship is strong, the opinion of a friend makes up only a small part of the relationship. So why is it so easy to let go of friends who do not see things the same way? I am seeing people lose friendships at alarming rates. Is it really worth it? A lot may depend on the level of disruption this causes in your life and if previously strategies have failed to help the relationship.
I think so many of us need to go back to the basics that were taught in elementary school. You know, the lesson on how to disagree with others in a respectful way. It’s actually pretty easy, if we try.
- Stop making it personal. I always told my children, be upset with the behavior, not the person.
- Avoid putting down other people’s idea/beliefs. That’s simply not nice.
- Use “I” statements when talking about your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
- Listen to what the other person is saying.
- Pay attention to your nonverbal communication. If your nonverbal cues do not match with what you are saying then you are sending confusing mixed messages.
- Keep calm. Anger and yelling is not going to move the conversation along.
- Treat others how you want to be treated.
Think of these basic practices to show respect when you disagree with someone. It may just save a friendship.
We don’t have to agree about everything to be friends. We do have to treat each other with respect. –author unknown
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