Life is full of challenges, unbearable losses, unfair situations, and consequences of poor decisions. It is also something we only experience once (depending on your beliefs) and is full of memorable experiences, achievements, learning, laughter, and consequences of good decisions. Everyone is not dealt the same cards. Some people will experience more challenges than others. Regardless of how life has treated you, there are just some things you cannot change. Today is the day to accept that and move on.
Accepting the unchangeable looks different for each situation. There are things you can do in all situations to accept the things you cannot change. Let’s start with the obvious, we cannot change the past. We can’t. There is absolutely nothing we can do today to change things that happened yesterday. Hanging on to the past isn’t helping you grow personally. It is holding you back and drowning you in self-blame, pity, negativity, and the list goes on…
We cannot change death. As much as we wish our loved ones back, it just isn’t going to happen. With birth there is a silent agreement that by having the opportunity to live, you agree that one day you will die. When a loved one dies, it is hard. We want them back. We have regrets. We want to bargain. We get angry. There are so many ways people deal with grief. Grief is normal. It’s when we get stuck in grief that something needs to change. We have to find a way to accept the loss and learn to live life without our loved one.
We cannot change how others treat us or feel about us. We cannot guilt them into changing. We cannot bully them into loving us. We cannot hold them hostage and making their lives miserable just so they don’t leave. We have to be mature and rationale. If someone doesn’t want you in their life, that’s their right. When a marriage ends, it can be devastating. You may start to doubt yourself and think you are not good enough. But, when it comes down to it, the other person wanted something different. You may not like it, but you cannot control how another person feels. This is not saying you cannot make changes to improve yourself and become a better partner, but this occurs way before the other person wants to leave. You do have options when someone treats you poorly (leave, confront them…), but you still cannot control their behaviors.
Maybe you experienced abandonment as a child. You didn’t have a father in your life and you have yet to accept your reality. Over the years, you have been reminded of not having a father figure and hold on to the blame you hold against your father for not being around. You may even blame the absence of your father on the poor choices you have made in life. If so, it’s time to accept your reality and move forward.
When my children were little, I always used the phrase, “this is your reality.” I let them know that the challenges they faced did not have to define them and did not have to be a part of their story. By holding on to these moments in our lives where we feel we were cheated or mistreated, we are taking away from this beautiful life that has so much more to offer than the things that hold up back.
Once you face your reality and acknowledge that there are some things you just can’t change, you can start to move forward and throw away your excess baggage. Ask yourself the following questions:
What is something in your current reality that is difficult to accept?
Do you resist accepting the circumstance? Has your resistance changed the circumstance or stopped your pain? My guess, is it hasn’t.
Make today the day you start to live life. Let go of the past. Accept the things you cannot change and start to move forward.
The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life. –Hal Elrod
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